I’ve been thinking about doing this post for a while, but something kept stopping me. I guess it is quite personal, more personal I’d say than talking about my boobs, and it’s also something I’ve only just been getting used to as as part of my identity.
So I consider myself the interesting combination of Bisexual (perhaps Pansexual, but I’d have to research that definition a little more before I can say for sure) and, while not completely Asexual, I’m a pretty unsexual person. I’ve only been thinking that I’m bisexual for the past year or so, and I haven’t told many people. Why wouldn’t I have realized this about myself earlier in life? Well, I don’t really have sexual impulses for men or women, at least not frequently. Since sexuality wasn’t something I thought about or felt very much, I didn’t really need to deviate from thinking of myself as “straight.” I internalized that I was completely straight, and it didn’t really conflict with me because it just didn’t matter very much.
Remember in high school when you’d have a crush on someone, and for the first two weeks it was just the most awesome feeling ever? Well, I remember experiencing those same feelings for girls but just thinking “wow, what a great friend I’ve made!” instead of ”I think I have a crush on her.” I actually did think about it once in high school, and came to the silly conclusion that I didn’t always have a crush on a guy when I had those “crush-like” feelings of infatuation, since I have those feelings for girls too and I’m straight. Erm… why? I don’t know, but I stuck with that for a while. I couldn’t even comprehend liking girls, which is weird considering I grew up in a very loving and accepting household. The concept of a crush is kind of interesting for me to talk about actually, because what kind of crush isn’t sexual? In my experience, having a crush means I want to be closer to someone, I want to know them the best, and I want to hug them and care about them more than all my other friends. Sexuality only comes into it later, and now that I don’t have those wonderful/terrible teenage hormones, it barely exists for me at all.
There’s another really good reason I haven’t really discovered these things about myself until now, which is that I’ve been in a relationship with the same person since I was 15. I’m now 21. He’s a fantastic person, and absolutely my best friend. I don’t get tired of his presence and we make each other laugh all the time. He’s very smart, talk have interesting conversations, and we play games together for hours… We’re pretty much perfect for each other, is what I’m getting at. He completely accepts me for what I am, and really enjoys that I like girls as well because we can babe watch together. Pretty sweet deal for him. I’ve been in such a comfortable situation for so long that I really haven’t had to consider whether or not I like girls, because at this point it doesn’t have much of an affect on anything. But I do feel happier just knowing more about myself.
I hope this can help just one person somehow. I hope this shows people just how much of a spectrum sexuality is. I don’t fit perfectly into categories of sexuality, but that’s fine. It doesn’t matter because people aren’t meant to be categorized. People are just people.