Modesty

Hello fabulous readers. Recently, a bunch of us bra bloggers decided to coordinate and tackle the subject of modesty. We’ve titled this series The Modesty Panel. It’s been a tough subject for a lot of us to write about, as it is quite personal in nature, but I think everyone agrees that it has been a positive experience. Below you’ll find links to other blogger’s posts about modesty, which will be updated as more posts pop up.

• Boosaurus!
• Braless in Brasil
• Bras and Body Image
• By Baby’s Rules
• Contrary Kiwi
• FussyBusty 1
• Fussy Busty 2
• Hourglassy
• Hourglassy 2
• Hourglassy 3
• Missunderpinnings
• Red Hair and Girly Flair
• Sophia Jenner
• Sophisticated Pair
• That Bra Does Not Fit Her
• Thin and Curvy
• Weirdly Shaped and Well Photographed

So Modesty. Kind of a charged word.

I dress in a way that many would call “modest.” I don’t show cleavage (That is, not intentionally. The boobs, they do that they want), I prefer loose sweaters and flowing tops, and my pants are generally of a medium rise. I wear shorts that stop at mid-thigh or longer, and dresses that hit just above or below the knee.

My choice to dress this way comes from a few places: cultural norms, family values, and of course physical comfort. I grew up with open minded parents. My mother encouraged me to choose my own beliefs. She always let me know that I was not bound to a religion or political view. She happy when I decided to go to church with my grandparents for a couple of years, and also happy when I chose to stop going. However, despite these fabulous qualities, I can remember certain phrases from my childhood…

“cover your boobies”

“isn’t that a bit revealing?”

“put on a sweater.”

My mother and I never really talked about breasts, bodies, or physical development unless we absolutely had to. I don’t even remember getting the talk about my period. If I did, it was very, very brief. It would catch me off my guard to hear those phrases, it’s like they would come out of no where, considering we never had a conversation about what was “appropriate dress,” and what was not. Sometimes these comments were directed at me, sometimes my sister. Another source, or influence on my degree of modesty was my grandmother. My grandmother has always been a bit passive aggressive. When I dressed like a “lady”, she praised me, and when I didn’t, she was silent. It’s not something I picked up on until I was older, but looking back, I remember her praising me when I wore earrings or a nice top or dress, but no words of kindness if I wore my favourite hoodie with a monkey on it. It seems that, intentionally or not, my family instilled in me the idea that “ladies” dress “modestly” and “ladies” receive praise. My mother was never particularly concerned with the idea of me being a “lady.” She considered herself a tomboy growing up, as did I, but she definitely encouraged the idea of modesty, and it stuck with me. There were subtle hints scattered throughout my adolescence that “smart” girls dressed “modestly” and “dumb girls” dressed “immodestly” (Get ready for some heavy quotation use throughout this post. Heavy).

As I grew and my body developed, most people around me didn’t notice. I dressed in such a way that, despite having sizeable breasts since 10th grade, I appeared to have very little curve to my figure. Few people noticed me in a sexual context during high school. However, there were times where when my body was more visible, and I received strange feedback. I remember wearing a purse across my body, and the strap separated my breasts, making them more visible. A friend pointed out that he could see my breasts, and laughed. Then our other friends laughed. I punched him lightly and laughed it off, but I felt strange. I remember wearing a seamed bra under my school uniform top, and had another friend point out that he could “see my nipples.” Really what he was seeing was the seam, which I explained, but once again I was just met with laughter.

The seeds were sewn. The connection between breasts as something to be laughed at and shamed, covered lest someone notice them and point them out to the world, began. And this somehow spread to the rest of my body as well. Perhaps when I wore my school kilt, and a schoolmate said “damn Windie, isn’t that skirt a bit short?” Maybe then, or maybe one of the other similar instances that occurred during my adolescence. Probably the sum of all of them.

An example of approximately what my school uniform looked like. The girl’s outfits look almost identical in shape to my old uniform. Every example of being commented on I mentioned above occurred in an outfit like one of these. Modesty doesn’t prevent rude behaviour, stopping rude behaviour does.

Maybe it’s because I’m currently heavily under the influence of feminist analysis of literature (creation myths and fairy tales, mostly), but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that these ideas of “modesty” likely stem from what it means to be a “good girl” in a patriarchal society. The reason why my parents, grandparents, and peers think it is their place to comment on my body, about how much of it is revealed or not, about how much of my shape they can make out from under my clothing, is because at least on some level it is not my body. I say on some level, because if you were to openly ask most any of those individuals who commented on my body if it is mine to do with as I please, I bet you they would all say “yes, absolutely.”   But on some level, my body is still public property to be openly judged, by men and women. We have come a long way, a really long way from where we were a century or half a century ago in terms of women’s rights in Canada. Legally, my body is mine, but there are all these bits and pieces scattered from the past that remain regarding the possession of women’s bodies, that desperately need to be annihilated. Do I need to cite the recent issue with Abercrombie and Fitch CEO, excluding larger women from wearing his clothing? Do I need to cite the recent rape case in Nova Scotia where the crime was photographed, and the victim was slut shamed to the point of suicide? Ownership of female bodies is still well and alive in western culture, and the force to dress modestly is part of it.

That being said, I don’t think dressing in a modest fashion is inherently wrong. I do dress modestly. I find gigantic sweaters absurdly comfortable, and I like the way loose-fitted blouses drape around me. I don’t like fussing with tightly fitted material that hugs every curve of my body, and I don’t like feeling restricted. There is nothing wrong with dressing “modestly.” There IS something wrong with perpetuating the idea that women’s bodies are inherently more sexual than their male counterparts, and thus need to be “reigned in” by excess fabric. Every example I listed above about being rudely commented on occurred while wearing my high school uniform, which consisted of loose polo shirts, black dress pants, and kilts that hit above the knee. Dressing modestly does not prevent rude behaviour, it doesn’t not prevent shaming. It may decrease the number of stares or sexual attention one receives, but it does not fix the issue.

Their body, their choice. Not your body, not your choice. Done.

-Windie

Fantasie Rebecca: Altered and Reviewed

Months ago, Cha of Large Cup Lingerie was kind enough to send me the Freya Lacey balcony bra when my size was fluctuating and I didn’t have very many options. Unfortunately, it didn’t work for me at all, which you can read all about here. Cha asked if there was anything else I would like as a replacement, and at around that time I had been considering branching out to 30 bands and having them altered. Enter the Fantasie Rebecca in a 30F, altered to a 28FF.

When I first got this bra, it was very large in the band, larger than other 30s I’ve tried (I think it was fairly average for Eveden though, whose bands tend to run looser than other full-bust companies). I could stretch it all the way to 32 inches. I thought I might need somewhere in the ballpark of three-four inches removed from the band, so I called a well established seamstress in my area to ask how it would be done, how much it would cost, etc. Instead of getting good advice, I was shot down immediately because I wanted more than two inches total removed from the band (I was literally told it is “impossible” to do. Hmm). Even though the logical part of my brain knew that you could remove more than two inches by simply moving the strap placement, the shy part of my brain freaked out and ended the conversation as soon as possible. I’m not going to give the name of said seamstress, because I have it on good word that she is very good, but I’ll certainly leave my bra concerns to someone else.

From here I decided to ask the only person I could think of, Sarah, the shop owner of Ohhh Lulu! I told her about my alteration issue and she agreed to do it. Just to be safe though, she didn’t want to remove any actual fabric, since removing three-four inches is quite a lot of fabric, and she wanted the alteration to be reversible. I sent the bra off to her, and a few weeks later received it again. Sarah simply folded and sewed down the fabric, “removing” 3.5 inches total. I could fasten the bra, but it was rather right, so I wore it with a full extender for a little while. From here, I knew that 3.5 inches was too much to remove, and decided to go with 2.5 for the final alteration(since the band was sewn down in two locations, the stretch of the band was quite limited. 3.5 inches wasn’t too far off, but the method that was used to alter the band made it feel even tighter).

I think this is where I started getting impatient, as I just wanted to wear this bra. I think a little crazy person crawled into my brain, because before I knew it I was ripping stitches and cutting fabric. I just spur of the moment decided to alter the bra myself. I cut 1.25 inches from both sides of the band, and began removing all the parts that I would need to reattach later: the hook and eye closures, some fabric to finish off the edges of the bra, and the straps had to be removed at the back, as their location had to move when I cut the fabric. The whole process went fairly smoothly and only took about two and a half hours to do by hand. And the best part is that it actually fits (though it does look kind of like Dr. Frankenstein did the alteration). I’m decently proud of the alteration given that it was my first attempt at something like this. I’ve done little sewing projects before, but nothing like altering a bra!

Now, onto the review!

The Rebecca is a molded cup bra made of spacer fabric. This kind of fabric is lighter and more breathable than the average molded bra, and conforms to your shape, rather than your boobs trying to fit into the mould of a more rigid cup. I was willing to go through the lengths that I did to alter it because spacers bras are not available in 28 bands (yet! I have hope). This fabric feels like a dream! It conforms to my shape perfectly, and the beige colour is light enough to function as a nude bra for me.

Fantasie Rebecca, altered 28FF. Sorry for the grainy photos!

The cups seem to run pretty true to size (perhaps a touch big, not enough for me to need to size down), but some have found that they need to size down in the cup because the spacer fabric is so stretchy. It is very full coverage with a tall center gore, which is exactly what I was looking for. My size seems pretty stuck in the plunge style when it comes to t-shirt bras (cleo jude, freya deco…), and I just wanted an everyday t-shirt bra, sans cleavage, sans plunging neckline. I’ve heard from many that the band on the Rebecca is quite firm, but I found that it ran loose as a 30. However, now that I’ve altered the band, I think I know what everyone is talking about. The fabric doesn’t have much stretch, so I could see how it would feel firm even though it doesn’t actually seem to run tight, if that makes sense. The straps are technically half adjustable, but it’s quite easy to slide the adjusters over the detailed front half of the straps.

Rebecca’s shape is really round and quite lifted, but this bra doesn’t really gather the tissue toward the center of the chest. Compared to a PL bra from Ewa Michalak, for instance, the Rebecca gives me a more subdued profile and wider appearance from the front. a PL would give me a more projected profile, and narrow view from the front. I’m not really miffed by this, as I really like the profile, and don’t mind looking wider. This bra seems to have a minimizing effect, which suits me perfectly for everyday wear. The wires feel like a medium width, not particularly wide or narrow, and very comfortable. I don’t really notice the wires when I wear this bra.

I did mess up my alteration a little bit. First of all, I trimmed a bit too much off the band after my initial cuts of 1.25 inches on both sides. I probably ended up removing something like 2.8 inches total. The band is a bit tighter than I would like, but not terribly so, and I’m sure it’ll stretch out soon. I also didn’t have any proper fabric for re-attaching the straps to the bra (which I didn’t realize until after I cut them…), so I ended up using some teal ribbon that I had lying around. This was fine for a few wears, but it is starting to tear off now. I just need to find some nice, sturdy beige coloured fabric to re-attach the straps and the alteration will be complete. Since I did the alteration by hand, and I am no seamstress, it is rough looking. I don’t really mind though, as this bra has some nice quirk to it now! Honestly though, I would not go through the effort of altering it again, though I’m glad I did once as I do really like this bra.

Fantasie: Please consider making 28 bands, at least in select styles. There is literally no spacer fabric option on the market for the 28 band demographic, and I’m quite sure many women would love to have one.

Other companies who already make 28 bands (Panache, Freya, Anyone!): Please consider making a spacer fabric option for the 28 band demographic. This fabric feels amazing!

-Windie

Good News!

Eeeeeverybody! My size has stopped fluctuating for now!

This is great news for a few reasons. The main one being that I was able to return most of the bras I bought when I fluctuated up to a 28G, since my size settled back down to a 28FF right around when I started getting most of my packages. This means I did not end up spending gross amounts of money on new bras. Yay!

This is also great news because I ended up selling a bunch of bras that I didn’t care about as much when my size increased, thus skimming my collection down to my most important/favourite bras. There are still a few more I plan to get rid of, but I’m mostly down to the best of the best!

I know I’ve been fairly absent from the blog recently, and for that I apologize. I recently found a new job, got sick, and started summer school. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind at the Windie household (hehe… did you catch that… sigh). But I’m settling into my new schedule now, and am mostly over my sickness. Everything’s looking up!

Coming up soon:

• Fantasie Rebecca bra Altered and Reviewed
• Freya Deco Longline Reviewed
• Gossard Retrolution Half Padded bra Reviewed
• Why I Don’t Want Children
• Modesty from the Perspective of a (nearly) Asexual Woman
• My Swimwear
• Childhood Love: Diddy Kong Racing

Ewa Michalak HP Kobalt Reviewed

Remember way back when I mentioned buying an HP Kobalt from blogger Ejay over at Dimpsey Bra Fit? If you’re a new reader, you can find out about that little adventure here. Well, it finally arrived, and it fits almost perfectly! Behold!

HP Kobalt, 26G

The HP shape is one of Ewa Michalak’s half cup variations. The shape is very round, and held closer to the chest than Ewa’s other half cups (CH, CHP), which are more projected. Though I must say, the shape is still more projected than many of my non-Ewa bras.

My general initial reaction whenever I put on a half cup is “AH! So much boob!” But I soon get used to the feeling, and am always impressed with the look, and am surprised by the security. I wore this bra all day while cleaning my house and didn’t experience any security issues or discomfort. Thoroughly impressed!

I purchased this bra in a 26G, and as I thought, the band is too tight. I can fasten it, but it’s too restrictive to be comfortable, so I’m wearing it with a full extender for the time being. It’s a pretty true-to-size 26 band, stretching to a bit more than 26 inches. Lately I’ve enjoyed wearing my bras a bit looser than my ribcage measurement (26 inches), and find that bras that stretch to 27 or 28 inches are suiting me well. The cups definitely run big compared to PL styles, which I need a 28G-GG in. A 28FF, or 26G in this case, fits very well in the cups.

Primary characteristics of the HP Kobalt are:

• Narrow wires
• Wide straps
• Half adjustable straps
• Fairly deep cups
• Lightly padded cotton lined cups
• Lightly padded straps

This style would likely work well for someone will pretty full on top boobs. I have fairly even fullness and occasionally get some gaping, but nothing that would cause me not to keep the bra. Design-wise, I love the deep grey-blue colour, and the one ice blue bow at the center to off set it looks fantastic. The only downside for me is that the HP Kobalt makes my chest appear larger, which really only makes it a downside for everyday wear. It’s quite nice for mixing it up every now and then.

 

-Windie

Braologie Lacie Posture Contour Bra Reviewed

When Braologie contacted me to try one of their posture-improving bras, I was intrigued by the idea of bras that are designed completely differently than anything else currently on the market. Braologie has been causing something of  stir in the online lingerie community, especially on Bratabase, with their advice on band sizing contrary to the +0 method. The discussions have been positive, as it is important to note that the +0 method to band sizing will not work for everyone (I know that I personally prefer adding an inch or two) I received the bra a while ago and have been sitting on this review since, trying to gather all of my thoughts. I feel very positive about a couple of aspects of the bra, but quite negative about others. It was definitely a “mixed bag” sort of experience.

Braologie Lacie Contour Bra, roughly a 28FF (their bras are custom made, so determining the size is difficult). None of these review photographs were taken with the pad inserts in, as the bra was much too small with them

What I received from Braologie:

• Lacie Posture-Contour bra in Beige
• Posture-Contour Mini Vest in Beige
• Extender
• Removable pad inserts

Lacie’s cups are made from a three-part design, lightly padded with pockets for the removable pads, and the inside of the cups are exceptionally soft. The straps are fully adjustable, basically just your standard elastic straps. My personal favourite part of the bra, the band, is nice and thick (four hook-and-eye closures!) and the wings have boning in them to keep the bra securely in place. To determine your size, Braologie asks for a series of measurements and photographs. Based on these, they sew the bra just for you. Sounds perfect, right? Well, I found that despite the heavy customization, there were still some fit issues.

So as you can see from the first two pictures, the cups are definitely too small for me. The intended look for the Posture-Contour bra is centered on the chest with cleavage, but this is definitely a bit much. Braologie bras are intended to have a “floating gore,” meaning that the center gore does not tack to your sternum. I found this to be a bit weird, but I went with it and tried wearing the bra for a day to see how the floating gore and I got along. It was comfortable for easy-going activities (sitting at my computer, getting something from the kitchen, etc), but when I laid down on my couch or bent over to look through my pantry, my boobs shifted quite a bit, and I didn’t really feel secure in the bra. I’m not sure that a floating gore is “wrong,” but the security that comes with a tacked gore, meant to keep the boobs separated and in place, is something that I require of my bras.

The straps are very long, VERY long. I had to adjust them as tight as possible to get a decent fit. The Lacie comes up very high under the arms, intended to help the process of re-migrating breast tissue in the armpit area back into your breast area (something that can happen to women who have worn poorly fitted bras for many years). The bra definitely does contain all of that under-arm tissue, but being that I am quite petite (5’2), Lacie got pretty painful as the day went on.

Now, I know that I’ve been saying some negative things about this bra, but let me just change my tone for a second to say that this band feels amazing on me. Braologie’s standpoint is that a band doesn’t need to be as tight when the band is thicker/more supportively designed. This band stretches to about 28.5 inches, which feels fantastic on my 26 inch ribcage. Their view on band sizing worked for me, though I know others have mentioned that they find their bands loose. Different band sizing techniques are necessary for different women, so it makes sense that this technique would not work for everyone. Frankly, if I could have this band with Cleo Marcie’s cups, I would be in bra heaven!

Posture-Contour Mini Vest

Mini Vest with Lacie bra

I won’t be reviewing the vest in as much detail as the bra, because unfortunately, I could not stand wearing it for too long. I don’t think it’s a bad product, but I cannot handle feeling as restricted as I did in this vest. The vest does exactly what it sets out to do: improve your posture by pulling back the shoulders, and theoretically with extended wear, it could have lasting effects on your posture. I immediately stood up straighter when I wore the vest, my posture was certainly visibly improved. However, wearing the mini vest and a bra is a whole lot of fabric to wear in one area, a lot of TIGHT fabric. Not something I would recommend in warm weather. From a comfort perspective, I felt kind of like what I imagine a tightly wrapped sausage would feel like, and if that can be construed as positive, I do not mean it that way, it was certainly negative.

The vest is made of layers of a thin mesh material. I think the back of the vest is made up of three layers, and the front is made of two, at least that’s how it appears to be. It’s hard to talk about the mini vest because I’m not 100% sure how it’s intended to fit, but I found that the front of the vest cut into the cups of whatever bra I wore, creating an unflattering effect. The effect is lessened with padded bras, but unpadded bras were quite uncomfortable when paired with the mini vest, as the feeling of cutting in was more pronounced. I’m not sure if this is a result of the vest being too small, or if it’s an issue with the product, so it would be great to hear from Braologie on this one.

While I am not comfortable with the level of restriction that I felt in both the vest and bra, I should mention that some people do like being very confined by their clothing. I have a friend who absolutely adores girdles because she feels so contained in them. My dislike for the products could be a personal difference in how I like my undergarments to fit. If you enjoy feeling contained and “strapped in” by your underwear, you may like these products!

Mini Vest front

Mini Vest back

My current plan for my Braologie goodies is to pass them on to anyone who would like to try them, for only the cost of shipping. If any of you are interested in trying them, just send an email to windiegardie@gmail.com. First come first serve! Everything will be included except for the extender, which may have met with an unfortunate fate…

 

EDIT: The bra and vest have been claimed!

-Windie

Cleo Marcie in Aquamarine

I just wanted to let you all know that the Cleo Marcie in blue is just as wonderful as the original red version. No weird size differences between colours, as can sometimes happen from bra to bra. The colour is not as light as the promotional photos suggest, it has a bit more depth to it. Frankly, I love it.

Cleo Marcie, 28FF. A pretty accurate depiction of the colour… oh hey, my cat is in the background. Hi cat. 

Same great shape as the original Marcie.

 

I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot more Cleo in my life from now on.

 

-Windie

Avocado Kyoto Bra Reviewed

Avocado is a Polish lingerie brand that I’ve been wanting to try for quite some time. Their designs are sophisticated and mature without looking frumpy, featuring a good range of detailed embroidered styles to simpler everyday styles (that are no less beautiful, I should add). I decided to buy a sale item and split shipping with a friend to give them a shot, and if it was successful, place a larger order later. The bra I chose was the Kyoto, an unlined balcony bra in chocolate brown with green and blue floral embroidery. This is hands down one of the most beautiful bras I have ever bought, and at less than $30 on sale, for a great price.

Avocado Kyoto 28H

The fit of the cups was spot on for me in a 28H. Avocado skips double letters in their size chart. I generally wear 28FF bras, so for me that meant going up to a 28H to get an equivalent fit. If you’re unsure about how to find your correct size, you can always contact Avocado and ask them questions directly. I had no issues communicating with them despite the language barrier. I sent my emails in english and received clear replies. I am so torn about Avocado. On one hand, the cups of the Kyoto are a perfect match for my shape in terms of the cut, but the wires and band were somewhat problematic. The wires are very narrow and thin, I’d say quite a bit more narrow than Ewa Michalak. I have never had an issue with wires being too narrow for me until now, but unfortunately the Kyoto stabbed me in my breast tissue a bit after a couple hours of wear. In the photographs you can see just a small bit of tissue being poked, so little that I didn’t even notice an issue when I first put the bra on. Unfortunately, some fit problems only show themselves over time, and the wires weren’t sturdy enough to keep all of my tissue in the cups, thus: wire stabbing.

It’s very weird for me to talk about this bra as having fit problems when looking at these photos, because it looks pretty darn perfect! But all I can tell you is how the bra felt and how the fit changed over the course of the day, so hopefully y’all can trust me on this one. My second issue with this bra was the stretchiness of the band. The Kyoto stretched to over 29 inches, which is larger than feels stable on me. In the photograph of the band below, I’m wearing it on the second hook, which felt fine when I first put it on, but by the end of the day I was on the tightest hooks. If the wires had been a better match for me, I would have altered this bra for sure. I was also wearing this bra a bit low in these photos, and when I wore it higher the band became much too loose, since it was sitting around the smallest part of my ribcage right under my bust.

The materials this bra is made of feel fantastic. The mesh is soft, and the embroidery never itchy. The Kyoto really feels like “the one that got away,” as it just wasn’t a comfortable enough fit for me to keep, but it was so close that I keep feeling like “damnit, I want it!” The lift and shape it gives is fantastic, and I would love to have that with a more comfortable fit. I also have to wonder if the fit of the Kyoto is indicative of all their bras, or if I would have better luck with another? My results with this bra haven’t made me want to give up on Avocado just yet, but I’m not sure which style I should try next, or if some of their other balcony bras might fit differently than this one.

If you’ve found that even Ewa Michalak’s wires are too wide for you, then I definitely recommend trying Avocado. The only stumbling block I encountered while ordering from them is that they only accept bank transfers from international customers. Hopefully they are looking to improve this in the future, as it can be quite a pain for some depending on your bank. I don’t think the looseness of their bands is enough to merit sizing down, but given that I’m lingering between a 26 and 28, this band wasn’t quite firm enough for my taste.

Will I ever find a bra this beautiful again? One that gives this kind of shape and feels wonderful? Well, probably yes, but I’m in mourning so give me a second.

-Windie